Yesterday was probably the first day of the rest of my life...

... but I missed it because I was still ill, stuck in bed, drifting between consciousness and sleep, with Jane Austen repeats in the background.

I can now confirm that I'm even more confused than I was the other day.  They ALL feature women, with sisters, at least some of whom behave inappropriately.  The main character always thinks she has it all worked out, then realise she's got it all wrong.  There's normally a hysterical woman of a certain age who has to take to her bed and you can guarantee a wedding or three.

It's my life.  Over and over again.  Sometimes I'm the main character.  Sometimes I'm the naughty sister.  Sometimes I've taken to my bed.  There's always a wedding.

I think being ill, semi conscious and vaguely aware of bits of my life being played in front of me makes me very susceptible to advertising.  The other day I saw the Sun ad with Chariots of Fire and Nigel Havers and semi-pledged to train for an Olympic distance triathlon on the strength of that 30 seconds alone.

Yesterday they showed ads for all sorts of things.  Over and over again.  I didn't stand a chance.  But at least I managed to get a quick quid loan which I used to spend on some vacuum storage devices that you can fit a whole house in (even though I live in a flat and I don't know how to use the hoovery thing in the corner).  I even thought about suing everyone who had caused me injury in the last three years, but realised I was the only person responsible for any of it. 

Of course I'm kidding.  I'm not that gullible.  All I did was sponsor a dog called Sidney, who I'm not allowed to visit as apparently it will make him nervous.  Oh and a few hours later I sponsored another dog called Phil, who I am allowed to see from a distance by prior appointment.  And when I checked back later, they were both still available.  Oh, it's just like being married.

I haven't forgotten that I've sort of semi-committed to the possiblity of trying for an Olympic distance triathlon sometime this year.  I've just had a quick google of some simple training plans.  I think I need another lie down.  Or another dog.

PS I've decided - my favourite Jane Austern character is Colin Darcy.  He could happen upon me anytime.