The best way to train for a 3 mile race....

... is not to worry constantly about it for weeks, then go to a party the night before and drink all the booze you bought along to said party.  Especially if it was a six pack.  Of wine.

Ask me how I know.

One of the things about triathlons is that you're always going to have one of the 'disciplines' (I don't have any discipline so have to put the word in quotes) which is your worst.  Logic would normally dictate that therefore another one will be your best.  Of course I'm not logical either, so I'm pretty sure that all three of them are my worst.

However, if you were going to make me choose which one to skip, and not give me the option of saying all of them, then I would have to say it's the running bit.  It's the bit at the end, after you've swum your arms to exhaustion and cycled your legs to exhaustion.  It's the bit where you're tired and grumpy and have run out of serviceable limbs. Every single part of your body is screaming "STOP". In capital letters.  Well, every part except for your legs which not only aren't talking to you, but also aren't listening, and just won't do what they're told.

I used to be able to run a bit.  And when I say a bit I don't mean marathons for breakfast - besides kit kats are much nicer.  It took me about two years to be able to build up to 5k without stopping.  Yes, I referred to a kilowotsit (technically 5 of them) without flinching.  It is my distance of choice as it is the distance run by Parkrun.  Parkrun is a stroke of absolute genius.  It's a free weekly organised run round a park. I wonder how long it took them to come up with the name. Due to the wonders of technology and barcodes, you can track your progress online.  But the best bit is that if you complete 50 Parkruns, you get a free t-shirt.

I've managed 46 to date.  Yes, 46.  That's a total of <reaches for calculator> 230km.  However, before I get too excited, it has taken me since 12th December 2009, which works out at an average speed of <gets calculator out again> 1cm per hour.

Here's a pretty meaningless graph.

It shows that

a) I'm an Athlete(!) and

b) I have consistently run at about 50% of the retail recommended price for someone 'of my age'.

Each blob on the graph represents a Parkrun that I completed.  The space between each blob is an indication of time between Parkruns.

The observant amongst me has noticed two notable periods of absence.  I can proudly state the excuses for both of those periods.

The first one was when I got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, was in hospital for a while, and never thought I'd run again.

The second one was when I got hit by a truck, was in hospital for a while, and never thought I'd run again. Again.

What the graph doesn't say is that the last one was back in November last year.  I haven't run again since.  But this time I have no excuse.  No new handy chronic potentially fatal diseases or convenient trucks to turn left unexpectedly when you need one.

I had a long hard talk with myself at the time, but to be honest I wasn't really listening.  I tried again after a particular piggy Christmas, and my bum came out in support.  Due to its recently enhanced size, it formed a majority on its own, and so it decided there and then that I would get my t-shirt.

I'm still 4 runs short of a t-shirt, but I'm a bit closer, because today I managed to run the Sport Relief 3 miles without stopping or crying.  I even managed to overtake a pantomime horse.