Triathlons for Dummies

I met up with Inspirational Steve for coffee the other day.  We had our standard chat, which goes a bit like;

Inspirational Steve (IS)- So, how's your training going?
Me - Um..... OK, how's yours?
IS - Oh I haven't been doing much.  Just 2 hour runs every other morning, 100 miles or so of cycling over the weekend, and I try to swim to and from work.
Me - Um.
IS - So, how's your training going?
Me - Um.  Another coffee?

But then he broke with tradition and asked me a favour.  He told me that he had been asked to give a talk to the local Diabetes group, something along the lines of "I have Diabetes, but I can still complete Ironman triathlons and swim the Channel like any normal* person".  He asked me if I'd like to talk a little bit too, something along the lines of "I have Diabetes, but I can still avoid training for triathlons like any normal* person".  I said "Yes, sure!".  I thought "oh, crap!".  Or it might have been the other way round.

Of course, Inspirational Steve doesn't do things by halves.  Oh no.  I should have known this.  He doesn't do half Ironmans**.  He didn't swim half the Channel**.  He'd done a powerpoint presentation and written a five page script.  Which meant that I had to do something, not just turn up, giggle and fall over.

I spent the next few days in a cold sweat, panicking about presentations.  But it was better than being in a hot sweat from triathlon training.   I looked at all my triathlon/sporty books for inspiration.  I flicked through Chrissie Wellington's book - awesome, but completely out of my league.  Then I dipped into Steve Redgrave's autobiography.  He was diagnosed with Diabetes after his fourth gold medal, but went on and won a fifth - another impressive story, but not mine.  I then spotted my copy of "Triathlon Training for Dummies", and it got me wondering......  Exactly how many "for Dummies" books are there?  And what are the stupidest titles?  I googled "for Dummies", and was astounded.  For example there are more than 150 titles of "for Dummies" books which just begin with the letter A.  There's also one called "Cheese for Dummies", three volumes of "Sudoku for Dummies" (THREE?  It's just putting numbers in a box!), and a "Poker for Dummies".  Oh, wait......

Anyway, did you know there is also a website for designing your own "for Dummies" covers?  No, me neither.  Until I googled it. It's here - https://covers.dummies.com/generate.html - and it's a wonderful way to waste a few precious hours when you're supposed to be writing a presentation.  I produced a couple of titles that I thought were missing, like "Designing Dummies Covers for Dummies".

But I had a presentation to prepare.  If only I could think of a theme.  What I needed was inspiration - something like a "Presentation Themes for Dummies".

 

Slide 1.  This is where I introduced myself and the woman in the background who I beat

Slide 2.  Yes, there really are "Triathlon for Dummies" books.  People buy them and everything,

Slide 3.  All the common triathlon distances.  When I reviewed this with Steve he pointed out that there isn't much difference in the swim between an Olympic distance and a half Iron.  Damn him

Slide 4.  This was after Steve had spoken about his proper swim across the channel

Slide 5.  I plotted our (Ami & my) progress across the Channel, but that's a different blog.

Slide 6.  A little bit about triathlons, Diabetes and blood sugar management.
TBH I don't really know how many curly wurlies I need to do the housework, and I don't want to either.

After we finished we got a round of applause, and a bottle of wine for our troubles.  I actually enjoyed it.

* I have no idea what a normal person is, but I suspect it's somewhere between an Ironman Channel swimmer and an exercise-dodging curly wurly addict.
** Well, actually he does and he did.  As training for the full events.